remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
