end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
