Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
