I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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