who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
