If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
