Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
