So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
