I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Randomize
