i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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