Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
