Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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