remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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