8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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