I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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