On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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