How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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