At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
now i know why i became what i already was.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
