just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
