She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
