He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
