this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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