There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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