A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Boobs speak an international language.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
