One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
