everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
