I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
