Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
