Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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