I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
