I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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