i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
