I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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