You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
