Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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