hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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