...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
