Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
