My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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