Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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