at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
