I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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