When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
