Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
