I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
