if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
operation have a gay friend backfired
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
