we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
