So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
