Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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