it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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