is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
