Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
