Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
