you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
