He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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