i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
