Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
