just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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