Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
