just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They took my balls.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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